Dear Diary
by Malvolia
Summary: In "Vows of Silence," episode 3.9, Felix confesses to reading Felicity's diary to his friends, including Gus. Since Gus doesn't seem the sort to be a willing party to such a thing, here is one interpretation of how it must have happened. Originally a one shot, the fic now contains a follow-up from Felicity's POV.
1. A Public Reading

Felix clasped a hand over his heart and read dramatically. "'I am so hoping that mother will allow me to purchase a packet of borax on our next excursion to Lawsons'. I have heard that it does wonders for whitening clothes, and I simply must know if it is true. I wouldn't want to try it on my own clothes first, of course. Perhaps something of Felix's. He is so careless of his personal appearance.'"

"Hey, there, Felix," Gus Pike called as he came through the last stand of trees before the lake. "Fellas," he added, with a nod to the small knot of boys surrounding the young King. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Oh, nothing," said Felix, as his comrades sniggered. "Just a little reading aloud."

"Nice day for it," Gus replied. "Mind if I listen in while I try the ice to see if it's thick enough for fishin'?"

"Not at all. Let's see, where were we...."

"Somewhere boring," griped Rupert Gillis. "It's all about girl chores."

"Yeah, come on, Felix," Edward Ray agreed. "There's gotta be _something_ interesting in there."

Felix flipped over a couple of pages and then grinned. "Okay, okay," he said. "That was just the warm-up. Here's the good stuff." He cleared his throat and started.

"'I believe I have found him at long last—the man of my dreams. All of the boys I've ever liked before were nothing more than silly schoolgirl crushes. This is the real thing. And to think, when I first met him I thought Gus Pike was nothing more than a vagabond.'"

A loud splash from the lake made the boys look over.

"Lost my footin'," said Gus. "Ice must be too thin, after all. An' I thought I heard my name."

"Better stay away from the lake, 'cause there's more where that came from," Felix grinned.

"'He was such a gentleman over that whole business with David Hawes. I can't believe I ever thought that stuck-up cricket player was interested in me, but Gus stayed by my side until the humiliating end and even kissed me afterwards.' No kidding, Gus, really? 'Even if it _was _just on the cheek, and not a proper kiss.' Eww, why would she think anybody would _want_ to kiss her? Must've been bad enough on the cheek, eh, Gus?"

Gus was gathering up his tackle as fast as he could and didn't respond.

"'When he found us last night,'" Felix continued, raising his voice to be heard over the laughter of his companions, "'just when I thought we were surely about to freeze to death...well, I have never been as happy to see another living soul. And when he held me in his arms, I felt safer than I've ever been. I miss those arms already...."

"Just what is that you're readin', Felix King?" Gus called, his voice sounding harsh and off-pitch.

"Felicity's diary, of course," said Felix.

Gus trudged up to the boys. His face and ears were bright red. "Best let that alone," he said. "Could be a mess o' trouble. 'Sides, ain't you got nothin' better to do on a day like this?"

"He's right," said Rupert. "It's too nice a day to be wasting on girls, or even just their diaries. I'm going to go for my hockey gear. Bet the pond is still frozen, even if the lake isn't. Who's with me?"

One by one, the other boys moved off, leaving Gus and Felix alone.

"I shoulda known Felicity's diary wouldn't be interesting enough to hold them," sighed Felix.

"What'll she do if she finds out you took it?" asked Gus.

"Tan my hide, most likely." Felix weighed the book ruefully. "I'd better get it back before she misses it. Unless you want a look? There's lots more about you."

Gus' face got redder still, and he swallowed hard. "Nah. Ain't right, goin' through a lady's private property."

"What lady?" scoffed Felix. "It's just Felicity." Gus gave him as stern a look as he could muster and Felix shook his head. "All right, all right, I'm taking it back."

Gus watched the younger boy as he made his way to the path that led towards King Farm. "A proper kiss...." He tugged his cap off and ran the back of his hand over his head. "She can't...it can't mean...." He looked down at his fishing rod and tackle, as perplexed as though he'd never seen them before. "Nah. Best forget the whole thing. Weren't nothin' as I was meant to hear, anyhow." He pulled his cap back on roughly. "Still...."

He set out, following in Felix's footsteps. It was a beautiful day for taking the long way home.


	2. Insomnia

Felicity lay on her back in bed, staring at the ceiling. The threat of Judgment Day was past, but something nearly as bad was still ahead of her. She still had to look Gus Pike in the face again.

She wasn't surprised that Felix had read her diary aloud. Horrified, yes, but not surprised. He was an uncouth, ungentlemanly little wretch, and she was never going to utter another word to him that was not calculated to make his life miserable.

Cecily sighed in her sleep, and Felicity reconsidered. It hadn't been Judgment Day tonight, but since it was coming eventually, perhaps she had best not make Felix miserable forever. In fact, a better course of action might be to pretend as though nothing had happened at all. If he could forget how seriously she had taken that particular misdeed of his, he might not find it so appealing in the future. A future in which she was going to be _much_ more cautious about what she committed to paper.

She squirmed on the mattress. If she never brought up the subject again, she could never know what exactly Felix had read aloud. She thought carefully. She had only begun keeping a diary a few years ago, but she had been as faithful at updating it as she had been about her schoolwork and her chores, so she was on her second volume. If Felix had gotten his hands on the first volume to bring along for entertainment on his camping trip, he could have read about her first impressions of Gus—"Beneath his vagabond exterior beats the heart of a gentleman." He could have read of the ride to the White Sands, the horribly embarrassing encounter with David Hawes, and the kiss in the barn loft. Of how proud she was when Gus started attending school, even though he was the oldest student in the schoolhouse, and how she was even prouder when he kept up his studies in the times when work kept him away. Of how she missed him when he was _not_ at the schoolhouse and tried to think of inconspicuous ways to run into him. Of how she loved to listen to his fiddle. Of the adventure with Abe Pike and Captain Crane, the first time she had ever been afraid of losing him (and yes, that was the phrase she had used).

But the second book would have been worse. Because while the second book told of a lighthouse that felt like home, of the increasing delight she took in the mingled odors of fish and saltwater and tobacco smoke, of an embrace that she missed and a glance that felt like a glimpse of the future, there were worse things. Things she would never want Gus to read. Things she should rip out of her diary and burn as soon as she got the chance. Things she wrote while that hussy Amanda Stone was in town, about setting her sights higher than a lowly fisherman without a penny to his name except a ruby ring that was probably only cut glass; and not an ounce of intelligence in his brain because he was so easily duped by a pretty face, if you considered Amanda Stone pretty, which she wasn't; and so Gus Pike was a poor, stupid boy with bad taste, far below Felicity's interest.

Why would she put that down in ink? She was thankful it hadn't been Judgment Day after all, because surely no one who wrote such things of humble, honest, loyal Gus Pike would escape the lake of fire, no matter how many good grades she had earned in school.

She rolled to her stomach and buried her face in her pillow to wipe away the tears. What if Gus wasn't only working in Markdale for a short time? What if he had left Avonlea for good, all because of Felix? No, that wasn't fair. If he had left, it was because of her.

She thought back to the last time she had seen him. He had come by the farm early one evening, when she had been out getting firewood.

"Lemme take that for ya," he had said. "Hate to see a woman so overburdened."

"I'm perfectly capable of handling a little firewood, Gus Pike," she had replied, but he had already had his arms under the stack of wood she was holding, so she had relinquished it, brushing her arms against his in the process. It had seemed that he had moved slower in taking the firewood from her than he had moved to accept it, but that was likely just her imagination slowing down the moment. "Now that you have it, though, it goes to the kitchen. I suppose you'll need me to get the door for you?"

"Felicity..."

"Yes?"

"I don't suppose..."

"Yes?" she had prompted, more eagerly than she would have had she known about Felix and the diary.

He had stared at her for a long moment, then smiled and shook his head. "I don't suppose I'll need ya to get the door. I've looked out for my own firewood a good while now."

It wasn't exactly a declaration of love, but then neither was it an avowal never to speak to her again. He had stayed to dinner, chatting companionably from Felix's chair, since before dinner Felix...since before dinner Felix had run in for his hockey gear and a few extra blankets and then gone out camping in the snow like the little fool he was.

Felicity sat bolt upright in bed, clutching the covers to her chest in excitement. She had noticed her diary missing from her desk that afternoon, but thought she had merely misplaced it. When Gus left that night, he had said he was returning to the lighthouse, not joining Felix. And when Felicity had gone upstairs after washing up the dishes, the diary had been on her desk again, and she had gone to bed directly after logging that evening's dinner, and there was no doubt in her mind that her pest of a younger brother was too clumsy to sneak into her room at night and pull off a diary heist without her catching him. Any audience Felix had for the diary must have taken place that afternoon, before Gus came by the house.

Gus Pike couldn't have heard those awful words read and then sat down to a King family dinner. He just couldn't have.

She flopped back onto the mattress, sighing happily. She could put up with the embarrassment of Gus knowing how she felt about him as long as it really _was_ what she felt about him, not the poisonous things she had written out of spite (and would burn first thing in the morning). She could look Gus in the face again, after all.

In fact, she was rather looking forward to it.


End file.
